DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND... by Elizabeth Dooshima Mabonga

Now and again people put up tweets with the hash tag Dear Future Husband/Wife and it got me thinking... Maybe I should write a letter to my "Dear Future Husband" and let him know somethings I expect and what he should expect from me in marriage. Though I know that some women may relate to one or two things listed here, these are by no means general views. Dear Future Husband, How are you? Where are you? Have we met? Are we good friends or ex-lovers? Are you the crush I've been 'eyeing' for a while now or the guy I just can't stand? Whatever it is and wherever you are it's obvious we got through our differences so let's cut the crap and get talking. Considering the fact that we'll be spending the rest of our lives together, there are things I think we should discuss, things that will make or mar our marriage-depending on how we handle them. I am willing to compromise but sweetheart, it shall not be all of you and none of me. It's a 2-way street and we shall be rubbing each other's back for this to work. 1. Housewivery- some men have huge pay checks and love their wives so much that think making them become full time housewives is a form of pampering. The fact that we got married already means that you know this expression of love does not werk fer me. If you make me sit at home all day and try to turn me into a stepford housewife, I'll get so depressed and nasty that you'll either send me parking or get me a bank job! I can compromise by not working a white collar job but I must run a business or do something lucrative that gets me out of the house atleast 3days a week and helps me contribute to our finances. But to ask me to sit at home all day and be solely dependent on you is just pure wahala, believe me, you don't want that. 2. Ironing- I do NOT iron! I can handwash baskets full clothes but ask me to iron just your singlet and we'll have issues. We can either get a washing machine and I'll pay someone to iron our clothes or I'll pay for our laundry gabadaya. Whatever the case, please don't ever ask me to iron. 3. Meals- I love to cook and to blow my horns, I cook good. There will always be food in our house and you sir, are gonna be a well-fed gentleman. A lirru problem may arise though if you're one of those hombres that don't eat microwaved food. Expecting me to cook fresh meals everyday, soups especially, is just evil. I don't know how we'll pull through this one but be rest assured that you will have to compromise more than twice a week. 4. Making sex- I'll give it to you good mehn, don't even worry about it but you mustoh perform too o ehen! Now, whether I'm a career woman, business or working mum, (depressed) housewife or whatever, I will need a househelp or just a cleaner to get some chores off my back. But if you expect me to clean the house, cook the meals, do the dishes, do the laundry, go to the market, run little errands and pick the kids from shool then do NOT expect catwoman in bed! 5. Church activities-  I am a born again Christian, not just that, I love to get involved in church activities. I love the Lord and enjoy fellowships with the brethren. It is my sincere hope that you share this passion with me because it is the only thing I will NEVER compromise, I also hope we'll go together. If not, I'll fulfil my wifely obligations early so I'll have time to go to church. The day you (try to) stop me ehn? :) it shall be well. You definately have a 'Dear Future Wife' letter too and we will both have to give up somethings and I really don't mind. All I'm saying is, if you expect me to be a Virtuous Woman, Wonderwoman, Catwoman and even Stepford Housewife then something's gotta give. Meanawhyla, you can like to show up o, I'm not getting any younger and time's a wasting. I cannot promise that I'll always love you or even treat you right but I promise to always be by your side and (try to) give you my best even when you're at your worst. Love, Dooshima. P.s If after a series of unfortunate events we end up never getting married, I'll adopt some kids and raise them in the fear and to the glory of God, I hope you'll do the same too. Whatever happens, all is well that ends well.